youre lurking in front of me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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