just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i now understand why vodka
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
