This show inspires me to have sex in space
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
