Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
