omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
