My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize