I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
