So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
