I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
