That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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