in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
