I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
