We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we should paint friendship bongs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
