he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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