I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize