A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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