how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
