So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
