I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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