I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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