Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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