Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
