i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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