Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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