If i come over, it means nothing
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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