Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
