And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are all done wearing pants today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
