hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
