So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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