we're chasing vodka with high fives
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
