I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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