I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize