How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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