lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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