I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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