she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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