Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
