my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
