Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
