Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
