haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
