Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
