he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
