Plan B is the new Plan A
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
