I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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