Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
