There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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