it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
