Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
