I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
