Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
