Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize