Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize