listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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