I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
