I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize