I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize