She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
