she was so not down for the gang bang
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
