my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
