I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
