If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
