Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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