The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
