Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
