glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Success! We fucked roommates!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
