Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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