Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
