I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
