So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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