This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dick has a subreddit
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
