My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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