So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
