Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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