dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
