I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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