And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
