it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
