someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
