just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
