There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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