Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
