Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
