I hate your face
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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