I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
