Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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