Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
...so i touched it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
