True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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