The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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