wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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