can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
