he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
