Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
