you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize