Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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