My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
