Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
